Thursday, April 4, 2013

In-N-F****** Out!!!

Our meal, untouched!
Soooooo,  I ate fast food today.....  I know,  it's been a year and no fast food, but let me justify myself really quick here, it was In-N-Out!  In-N-Out is a west-coast burger chain that has figured       it        out            man!  I love this place, and even though it is fast food I think it's justifiable because of the high quality of the ingredients.  Beef never frozen, fries cut on the spot, usually minutes before they are cooked, local veggies, this place is great!  Plus the Not-So-Secret menu, a list of stuff you can order off menu.  This used to be a secret menu, but it's so popular that it's really not a secret now.....  The regular menu is so simple that it seems stupid....

Double Double, Basic double cheeseburger, 2 patties, 2 slices
Cheeseburger, Basic
Hamburger, Really basic

Thats it.  Simple.  Done well.  Damn.  Thats all it takes folks.  It an age where fast food joints have a million things on the menu, this place has people lined up out the door from open to close.  So who's doin it right?  In-N-Out is.  Plus they give you stickers when you ask!  Dope.

So I got the Double Double (Regular Menu), cooked medium well with mustard, they put mustard on the patty before they cook it, so the flavor is cooked right in!! (Both on the secret menu).  Fries (Regular) Cooked twice (secret menu, makes em crispier)  and a root beer float (Secret Menu).

P.S.  I'm not gonna list the whole Secret Menu, it's pretty long, look it up lazy assholes!!

The Aftermath!!

Saturday, March 23, 2013


Perfectly cooked!


It gets a bad name....

I love tortillas!!  So we buy a bunch of tortillas.  I lived in San Antonio for a long time when I was a kid and maybe that where my love for em came from.  I remember going to Taco Cabana and seeing the tortilla machine they had there, Market Square in San Antonio had ladies sitting there just making tortilla after tortilla.  The fresh ones are always the best too, a piping hot tortilla straight out of the pan with butter......  Damn.  So the last time we went to the store I told the old lady to grab some.  We were looking at prices, I always grab the cheapest ones.  Why not, right?  They all taste the same really.  We usually get a 20 or 25 pack, the more the more savings usually.  I told her to only  pick up a 10 pack this time.  Then I went over and got some lard.  I know.   Nasty huh?  but I tell you, for some applications, lard is the way to go.  I tried butter, crisco, olive oil, and regular oil.  Lard is best.  and cheap.  Like 2 bucks for a container, and this is the only reason I use it, so it lasts awhile.  So use what you got, but get some lard and try it.  These.  Are.  So.  Easy.  Lets get right into it.

Makes 8, EASY recipe to double, triple, whatever....

2 Cups of Flour
1 Teaspoon of Salt
3 Tablespoons of Lard
3/4 Cup of Water

I don't sift anymore!!
So easy, mix the salt and flour.  Add the lard, and I have a trick for this.  Take your tablespoon and run it under hot water, spoon out the lard, cut scape off the top with the back of a butter knife run under the hot water, quickly drop in the flour.  Getting the lard out of the spoon without doing this is a sticky 

mess.  Just try both ways and tell me which is best.  Mine is.  add the water, none of this slow stuff like some people say to do.  Just dump that shit in.  Mix it all up with a rubber spatula.  Mix and mix.  When its well mixed, spray some Crisco spray or Pam on your hands and coat well.  Knead the hell out of it.  Plop the dough onto a lightly floured surface.  Knead it some more.  Roll into a tube of dough.  I have a little half moon looking thing that looks like a little knife and I use this to cut the dough up.  Cut the tube in half, then cut in half again, and cut in half again.  Make 8 pieces.  Re-flour the surface.  Take each ball of dough individually and smoosh it down and flip it over, smoosh it down again, this gets it into a rough round shape and coats each side with a light coating of flour.  I use a rolling pin, but you can use a wine bottle or large can, and roll that motherfuckin dough out!!  Roll and roll until you get at least a ROUGH circle shape.  Not as easy as it sounds, but practice makes perfect, or at least passable.  Ok, two options here.
Ball o' Dough
1.  Cook it!!
Heat up a larger teflon coated pan or skillet to medium high heat.  Put the uncooked tortilla on it.  I like to shake the pan quite a bit.  flip it over.  Do it again.  You want them to look LIGHT brown, and not all over, really just on the bubbles.  Too hot and they will be to hard, too long and they will be to hard, too low is better, cause you can always pump up the heat when you get comfortable.  Take off and serve immediately.  I haven't found a way to keep these well after cooked.  You gotta eat em!!
2.  Save em.
Makes clean-up easier.  I promise
So this is my method for saving em.  I make a batch and roll em out.  Then I layer them uncooked tortilla, cling wrap. uncooked tortilla, cling wrap.  You get the idea.  Then I just refrigerate them.  I haven't tried freezing.  Will let you know.  They really don't last long here.  They are so easy to take out and cook one up, throw some home made jam on that SOB.  Damn.

Listening to
Come Around

Indian chicks, they get men laid
Milk and honey, smoke high-grade
Gold and diamond, gems and jade

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Jam This In Your Hole

Sweet Sweet End Product!
I really need to start taking pictures as I'm doing these things.  In my own defense, I usually just jump up and start doing them with no planning, soooooo.......

My Frozen Berries
I learned how to properly freeze fruits and berries the other day, and we had a whole bunch of strawberries in the freezer.  I'm not a huge fan of frozen strawberries, and the only way I would use em would be in a smoothie, and I really never get around to making those.....  However, I DO eat a lot of jelly and jam.  It's quick, it's cheap, and it tastes fricken good.  So I wondered, "Why can't I make jam?"  Well, I learned...... I can!  A surprisingly simple thing to make with shit I KNOW you have in your house already, well most people.  This makes a lot of jam.  So just be ready with a lot of jars.  You can cut down on the recipe too.  I wouldn't use huge jars to store it in either, smaller batches cool better and there is less chance it will spoil when opened.  SOOOO!

Mason Jar, Ring, Lid.  Guess which is which
Mason jars.  I use the smaller ones for reasons stated above.  Plus they are cheap.  And any good DIYer SHOULD have dozens of these laying around in various sizes.  They DO need to be mason type jars too.  I keep any glass jar or bottle that anything we buy comes in, no you cant use those.  Mason jars people.  New lids wouldn't hurt either....... The seal is important!

Strawberries.  I use ones we freeze that ate locally grown.  I love fresh fruit, but things like stawberries go bad so quick that freezing is the only way to go.  5 bucks for a flat of em.

Sugar.  Lots and lots of sugar.  I need to find a replacement that works as well and is locally produced.

Pectin.  Ok, you CAN make your own pectin, and I really really want to someday.  However.  Making pectin sucks.  And you use so many good apples!  And it's wildly inaccurate for measuring.  The only way to use your own pectin is to experiment with it to see if your jam comes out right.  Screw that noise.  It's five bucks for a jar that will last you awhile.  4 batches at least, and thats a lot of jam.  I know it sounds like I am making excuses, and maybe I am, but when it's something important like this, better to buy....  I hate saying that....

Lemon Juice.  I used the juice from one lemon.

Thats it folks.  The cooking process is kinda work intensive, but really worth it for what you get in the end.

Strawberry Jam

5 Cups of Sliced Strawberries
2.5 Tablespoons of Pectin (or one package if you bought em in pouches)
6 Cups of Sugar (I KNOW right?  BUT I dropped it from 7, and I think I can go lower....)
Juice of One Lemon
Pat of Butter

Tupperware I used and blender

Messy Messy Messy.  Thats what the title of this recipe should be.  The very first thing we are going to do is get the jars and lids ready.  This recipe requires a water bath, and you want your jars to be pretty warm when you pour the jam in, so fill up the huge pot your gonna use to seal the jars with water, line the bottom of the pan with small mason jar lids.  Put the jars your gonna use in and bring to a simmer.  Take the LIDS, not the RING of the top and simmer in a small sauce pan.  This gets the sealant nice and soft.  Let all this stuff simmer until you are ready to pour.
My Immersion or Wand Blender
Potato Masher
     Use a food processor, wand type hand mixer, one of those mashed potato crusher things....  Whatever.  Crush up those berries.  This is what I love about making your own too, leave chunks or make smooth.  You can make it as chunky as you want.  I like mine smooth, no chunks at all.  So I use my immersion blender and put all the sliced berries in a tall tupperware container and puree the shit out of em.  Cut the lemon up and squeeze the juice into the berries, all the juice.  Use a spoon to help.  Pour the pectin in too.  Mix up again.  pour all the mess into a preferably teflon coated pan, this makes clean-up soooooo much easier.  Bring the strawberry soup to a rolling boil.  Boiling so hard that it still boils when being stirred, and stir, and stir, and stir.  Constantly stir it.  Make sure you get it all off the bottom.  Scrape it!!!  At this point, put the pat of butter in.  This cuts down on the foam and thus cuts down on the labor, a lot.  When it's boiling, good, pour the sugar in.  All of it.  Keep stirring.  All that sugar will melt and it will be a goopy delicious sticky mess.  Stir stir stir until it comes to a rolling boil again.  Let it boil for a couple of minute, still stirring.  This is where the butter makes life easy.  There is a foam that forms on top of the hot jam.  You gotta spoon this stuff off.  The butter cuts down on the foam a lot, however, when you spoon the foam off, have a small bowl ready and put it in there instead of the trash.  This stuff is like gold!  It tastes sooooo good!  Try it, you wont be disappointed.  Turn the heat off.  Take the jars out of the simmering water and place on a towel on the counter.  Use a funnel, or freestyle pour if you got balls!  Fill the jars up until there is a quarter inch of space on top.  Take a clean cloth and dampen it.  Clean the edges of the jars so there is nothing on em, especially where the lid ring goes on.  Put the lids on.
Some of my product
     Sealing the jars is important.  It is what will allow them to sit on a shelf for a few months while you eat all this stuff!!  I'm gonna go through these steps from the beginning, so if I repeat myself, live with it.  Take a large stew pot and line the bottom with mason jar rings.  Fill up the pot with water.  Bring to a boil, heavy boil.  Put the filled and lidded jars in the boiling water.  I use tongs, but there are specialty jar holders out there.  Boil the jars for 10 minutes.  A lot of recipes say 5, but I do 10, just in case.  You just want to bring the internal temp up high enough to kill all the nasty shit that could have gotten in there.  Take your jars out after ten minutes and turn upside down onto the towel you laid out earlier.  Let sit till cool.  If the little button in the middle of the lit is depressed and wont pop back up, you got a sealed jar sucka, and it will keep for a loooooonnnnnggggggg time.

Listening to
The White Stripes
Ball and Biscuit

Let's have a ball and a biscuit sugar 
And take our sweet little time about it 
Let's have a ball girl 
I love these jars!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Put down the Box!!!!!

I made a cake from scratch y'all, 
and it turned out pretty good!

So we were stupid broke today(when arnt we?) and we didnt really have the money for gas to drive out to a park or the beach.  So I decided to make a cake to pass the time, and it didn't work, because it takes no fucking time at all to make a friggen cake.  It took me longer to wash the dishes.  This is another great way to show how the corporations have us, I thought it was going to be a big deal to make a cake without a mix.  It totally isn't.  When you use a cake mix, there are a few things you need.
Cake Mix (duh)

Ok, pretty easy right?  Mix it all up, throw it in the oven, viola!

Four ingredients, The companies make it so easy for you!

This is the ingredients for a made from scratch, truly homemade cake.

Baking powder

Seven ingredients, I added a little Hot Chocolate drink mix because I have a crapload of it. I got a bunch of big ass things of it for a dollar awhile back.

The frosting of my cake is a carmel type frosting.  I made that because I bought a bunch of Sweetened condensed milk when it was on sale.

Seven Ingredients instead of four, and it's all stuff most of us have in our cabinets every day.  And it was great!  Fluffy and moist!  Do you research, don't believe that you can't do something just becaus e you've been taught the "easy" way your whole life!!  The better way is the from scratch way, not the boxed crap you get at the store!!

1 cup white sugar              
1/2 cup butter
2 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
1 1/2 cup all purpose flour
1 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 cup milk
Preheat to 350

With a recipe, usually you will work your way down it in order.  Cream the sugar and butter with a mixer.  add the eggs one at a time, then vanilla flour baking powder and then milk, cream all together.  I used a bundt pan (Thanks Ma!!), grease up the pan, sprinkle flour in pan and evenly coat.  Pour in the batter and cook until the cake springs back when touched.  Boom.  Delicious.

Listening to
Edward Sharp and the Magnetic Zeros
40 Day Dream

She got jumper cable lips
She got sunset on her breath now
I inhaled just a little bit
Now I got no fear of death now

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Bento Sucka

Whenever I can I try to reduce, reuse, or recycle.  However, sometimes a deal comes across I cant turn down on something that I've been looking for.  I am pretty picky about new things that I buy,  I refuse to buy it if it isnt exactly what I wanted.  A few of the things I am still looking for is a beanie that fits and looks right, a pair of sunglasses I like, and a pair of hiking shoes I can stand.  The other was double discount days for employees at my girlfriends work and we went in to pick up a few things we really needed.  On a shelf, totally unassuming, was this beauty:

I was really excited because I've been looking for a lunchbox for a while and I used to live in Japan, and Bentos were my favorite way to eat lunch.  Bentos are lunches that come sectioned off in a box specifically made to carry these types of meals.  The Japanese are crazy about them and most eat a type of bento for lunch.  When I say most, I mean like at least 90%.  There are hundreds of these Mom and Pop places that make these Bento meals, and I would stop by my favorite place every morning at like 5 and pick up one for lunch.  Japanese people are so crazy about these meals that they have competions to see who makes the most decorative ones.  These things are pretty awesome!  Cartoon characters and animals made out of food, themed lunches, they get super elaborate.  Sometimes I would get the American Style Bento and it was hilarious!  It's like they took all the meals you ate for a week and just put a taste of each one in a lunch.  There would be a little dollop of mashed potates and gravy, a small scoop of spaghetti and marinara sauce, half a hot dog butterflied, green beans, Half of a breakfast sausage patty, and a fried egg on top.  Seriously.  The point is, I used to love these things!  SO, when I saw the little tangerine bento box at my girlfriends work I had to get it!!  It has handles that fold into the body, and I dont really use them, but sometimes I do, and they are so out of the way that you don't even notice them unless you are usin em.  It breaks down into two levels, one that has a divider built in and the other wide open.  The little tabs on the side snap shut to keep the whole thing neat and together.  The open compartment has a lid for it.  One of my favorite features is under the lid.  There is a cover under the lid that snaps off, under the cover is a fork and spoon that snaps into the cover!  This keeps them from getting food all over em while it's sloshing around on the way to work, it also keeps em from rattling around all over the place.  They retail for something like 15 bucks.  It was $5.99 at my girls work, and with double discount days, I got something I've been looking for for months for a couple of dollars!  Made by My Bento Meal.  

Listening to
Fault Line
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

I've been lyin' in the bright lights 
See my shadow from below 
Never wanted from another man 
Never wanted from my own 

Thursday, March 7, 2013

What are we eating?

I had a revelation yesterday.  Not really a revelation, maybe more of a realization.  I was going through my kitchen and getting rid of old stuff and throwing away things.  I had a bunch of potatoes and onions and garlic that I forgot about.  All of them had plant parts growing off of them.  My first thought was, "Damn, I need to throw these away, nasty sons of bitches went bad."  Think about that for a second, Beautiful green plants were doing the best they could to grow in my dark dank cabinet, and my first thought was that they are going bad.  What the hell is wrong with us as a society that we look at growing vegetables and go right away to spoiled?  We are all sheep doing whatever corporations tell us arn't we?  We go to these big, garish, artificially lit megaliths built with the sole purpose to make us spend more money than we need to.  Everything in a grocery store is set up so you buy more.  The colorful packaging, the "natural", "organic', "low fat", "no cholesterol" misleading labeling, the essentials being in the back so you have to go through all the crap to get there, the expensive items at eye level, everything is done so you will buy more stuff you don't need and probably really dont want.  Thats without even getting to the food.  Does anyone here know who owns kraft?  Philip Morris, then they renamed themselves Altria to distance themselves from the tobacco industry.  Thats right, Marlboro owns Kraft.  And we know how honest the tobacco industry is.  These people are trying to convince you that all the crap they make is good for you!!!   All processed food is screwed up so much that the vitamins have to be put back in after they make it, and do you know where those vitamins come from?  Most vitamin D is from sheep grease.  Thats right, sheep grease.  The wool is sent to China and the grease is stripped from the wool with chemicals like acetone and benzine, then the grease is stripped of the vitamin D, thats then made into a powder and put in huge vats and shipped to us to happily gobble up.  Some types of Vitamin B is processed from nylon, nylon comes from petroleum.  YUMMMMMM!!!!!!!  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH US!!!!!! 
My Flag of Defiance!!
My little growing garden
       As Dr. Dre would say "now back to the lecture at hand".  These people don't want the best for you, thats why you think the vegetables growing are going bad.  If they really cared, they would print instructions on the bags on how to plant a garden, and use the bag the food came in as compost or mulch!  They give us the means to grow the stuff ourselves and we keep going back and buying more!!!   People, we need to get out of this mindset of consumerism, and please plant those veggies that are growing in your kitchen, they are begging to feed you forever!

Listening to
Still Dre
The Chronic 2001
Still, I stay close to the heat
And even when I was close to defeat, I rose to my feet
My life is like a soundtrack I wrote to the beat 

The super dogs approve, although Sam looks surprised...
     So here is my first contribution to that.  I planted all the veggies I had growing.  and I will do it all the time now.  Viva La Revolution!!